Wednesday, December 26, 2007
It Could Be Worse
Spent my birthday and Christmas in bed with my only caloric intake being Nyquil and orange juice. Actually started before my birthday, by Christmas I was down to the hacking up a lung stage after the fact. I worked half a day Christmas eve then went home and went back to bed to wake up at 6:00 - the exact time the store closed downstairs. They were not open Christmas day. Since I was sick I hadn't gotten groceries and didn't have my normal Banquet Christmas cube-carved white and dark meat turkey smothered in gravy with peas and carrots with a golden brown crustlike stuffing. It turns out I didn't have crap in the house. I found a couple of Ramen Noodle packages, expired 9/2006 - tossed. Christmas dinner wound up being a can of green beans and a half dozen boiled eggs. It's not like I'm a stranger to my fridge getting down to ice-cubes only, but I usually have my butt covered for holidays. I still had my internet connection and cable so I squeaked through.
If it weren't for still buying Tracy something for Christmas it would be as meaningless as any other day to me, so no big deal. But if anyone thinks they have it bad for the holidays, it could always be worse. You could have been eaten by a tiger at a zoo for Christmas and a day later no one still knows who you are or apparently has missed you. You could have been killed in a plane crash. Family wiped out by a mudslide. All of this happened on Christmas this year for some people. You could be homeless which is probably about the lowest it can possibly get. Christmas morning I still saw the homeless huddled under blankets in the doorways and anything with an overhang. They sure weren't happy to see the third Christmas snowfall in Seattle since the 1940s. So happy holidays - and a joke to end the year:
Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."
To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now!"
If it weren't for still buying Tracy something for Christmas it would be as meaningless as any other day to me, so no big deal. But if anyone thinks they have it bad for the holidays, it could always be worse. You could have been eaten by a tiger at a zoo for Christmas and a day later no one still knows who you are or apparently has missed you. You could have been killed in a plane crash. Family wiped out by a mudslide. All of this happened on Christmas this year for some people. You could be homeless which is probably about the lowest it can possibly get. Christmas morning I still saw the homeless huddled under blankets in the doorways and anything with an overhang. They sure weren't happy to see the third Christmas snowfall in Seattle since the 1940s. So happy holidays - and a joke to end the year:
Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."
To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now!"
