Monday, June 30, 2008
There is a male advice columnist!
Tracy commented and noted a link to a male advice columnist called Help Me Harlan. Today his letter from a girl starts out with, "I don't understand men. I met this guy on the internet..." My "reply" post may have been a bit tounge in cheek (I said may have) but Harlan's reply proves the point. He doesn't mention this guy she met or her lack of understanding of men. What he does is berate her and lets her know she was lucky and why. The advice was straight to the point and practical with the only emotional aspect pretty much telling her she'll get over it.
I remember reading Ann Landers all the time as a teenager and I'll admit I sometimes do see resoponses from female advice columnists that are like this - but for the most part females approach everything from an emotional point of view and a guy is going to approach stuff from a practical point of view. Men are also more short-sighted - I've never known a woman to follow, "Hey y'all watch this" with a trip to the hospital or dying. When I have been suprised and had to agree with a woman advice columnist it's usually because she had the foresight of a long term consequence I wouldn't have thought of.
I remember reading Ann Landers all the time as a teenager and I'll admit I sometimes do see resoponses from female advice columnists that are like this - but for the most part females approach everything from an emotional point of view and a guy is going to approach stuff from a practical point of view. Men are also more short-sighted - I've never known a woman to follow, "Hey y'all watch this" with a trip to the hospital or dying. When I have been suprised and had to agree with a woman advice columnist it's usually because she had the foresight of a long term consequence I wouldn't have thought of.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Supreme Court and more advice
Supreme Court made a couple of great decisions yesterday. First, all of us should own a gun unless you're mental or a felon. Second, they let Exxon off the hook for 2.5 billion for that oil spill almost 20 years ago. It wasn't their fault they had a drunk at the wheel. Now if they'd just overturn that pesky Roe vs Wade.
Another "advice" MSN article today from a Mattilda Schneiderman noting "6 secret guy turn ons." And I thought the rumor was men didn't understand women?
1. He loves that you indulge at dinnertime - Here's a woman telling you to take advantage of the guy and order the most expensive thing on the menu. NOT. Men love it when they indulge in a salad. You order expensive food and in quantities we consider this a warning sign.
2. He loves your occasional obscenities - You think we love it when you scream and curse at us? Again, this is a warning sign that "occasional" is going to move to every day nagging once you buy the cow.
3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak - Only if he's a slob so it doesn't matter what his place looks like when she's over and when he's there he doesn't have to worry about messing up the place. The girl has however removed herself as a potentional lifetime mate because she will be expected to keep the place clean once married.
4. He loves your extra padding - Yeah, right, sure. There's a reason why we don't have a correct answer for, "Does this dress make me look fat?" We don't want extra padding because as soon as you get there you start asking this question for everything you wear and from that point on it's a doomed relationship.
5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of medieval tapestries - Umm, no, we aren't. We realize in the dating phase you feign interest in our interests. After saying "I do" we realize you will no longer want to go fishing, camping, duck hunting, golfing, bowling, or to strip clubs. We on the other hand didn't feign interest in medieval tapestries, art galleries, shopping malls, or romance novels during the dating phase and still care nothing about your interests and knowledge base about them afterwards. What turns us on is a woman that is just smart enough to operate a vacuum cleaner but dumb enough to think that Cheerios are donut seeds.
6. He loves a good head rub from you - Okay, one out of six were right.
Another "advice" MSN article today from a Mattilda Schneiderman noting "6 secret guy turn ons." And I thought the rumor was men didn't understand women?
1. He loves that you indulge at dinnertime - Here's a woman telling you to take advantage of the guy and order the most expensive thing on the menu. NOT. Men love it when they indulge in a salad. You order expensive food and in quantities we consider this a warning sign.
2. He loves your occasional obscenities - You think we love it when you scream and curse at us? Again, this is a warning sign that "occasional" is going to move to every day nagging once you buy the cow.
3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak - Only if he's a slob so it doesn't matter what his place looks like when she's over and when he's there he doesn't have to worry about messing up the place. The girl has however removed herself as a potentional lifetime mate because she will be expected to keep the place clean once married.
4. He loves your extra padding - Yeah, right, sure. There's a reason why we don't have a correct answer for, "Does this dress make me look fat?" We don't want extra padding because as soon as you get there you start asking this question for everything you wear and from that point on it's a doomed relationship.
5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of medieval tapestries - Umm, no, we aren't. We realize in the dating phase you feign interest in our interests. After saying "I do" we realize you will no longer want to go fishing, camping, duck hunting, golfing, bowling, or to strip clubs. We on the other hand didn't feign interest in medieval tapestries, art galleries, shopping malls, or romance novels during the dating phase and still care nothing about your interests and knowledge base about them afterwards. What turns us on is a woman that is just smart enough to operate a vacuum cleaner but dumb enough to think that Cheerios are donut seeds.
6. He loves a good head rub from you - Okay, one out of six were right.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Ask (insert female name here)
Why are all of the advice columnist I see women? My best guess it is because women reading it think women are right and the men reading it are doing so for the comic value. This is one from MSN today; MSN seems to have a dozen or so women giving advice.
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=9596&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=26000
“Lynn” is all touchy feely with the advice and even starts out with a congratulations on the baby. She’s a woman and even though she seems to be half way on the guy’s side if you really look at several spots where she brings it up she’s basically saying “You aren’t getting any more “me” time when the baby drops.” What would be a more realistic male response?
Dear Overwhelmed,
You start off with, “My girlfriend and I are pregnant with our first child.” Please come to your senses. Your girlfriend is pregnant with as far as you know her first child and until you have a paternity test when she gives birth you’re hoping it’s yours. You’ve also apparently knocked up an unemployed, demanding, whining, little tramp. She carouses all day while you work and as soon as you’re off work she has you under her thumb. She needs to be appraised like a property and as a property she would be considered a negative cash flow – not a good thing. When the baby drops that will just double the negative cash flow and your “me” time will completely vanish.
One hopeful point – you say you sometimes leave without saying anything at all. Hopefully you are practicing? If you’re not practicing for a permanent leave then my only advice is to possibly do a blog or You Tube series on your life as it spirals downhill from here. You may save another male from your fate and possibly put some advertising on your site to recoup some of your losses in this relationship.
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=9596&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=26000
“Lynn” is all touchy feely with the advice and even starts out with a congratulations on the baby. She’s a woman and even though she seems to be half way on the guy’s side if you really look at several spots where she brings it up she’s basically saying “You aren’t getting any more “me” time when the baby drops.” What would be a more realistic male response?
Dear Overwhelmed,
You start off with, “My girlfriend and I are pregnant with our first child.” Please come to your senses. Your girlfriend is pregnant with as far as you know her first child and until you have a paternity test when she gives birth you’re hoping it’s yours. You’ve also apparently knocked up an unemployed, demanding, whining, little tramp. She carouses all day while you work and as soon as you’re off work she has you under her thumb. She needs to be appraised like a property and as a property she would be considered a negative cash flow – not a good thing. When the baby drops that will just double the negative cash flow and your “me” time will completely vanish.
One hopeful point – you say you sometimes leave without saying anything at all. Hopefully you are practicing? If you’re not practicing for a permanent leave then my only advice is to possibly do a blog or You Tube series on your life as it spirals downhill from here. You may save another male from your fate and possibly put some advertising on your site to recoup some of your losses in this relationship.
Monday, June 23, 2008
George Carlin dies...
...evidently while watching sports on television yesterday. Having a week heart and witnessing one of the rarest things to happen in sports must have been too much for his ticker. Rarer than a hole in one in golf or a perfect 300 game bowling on national television. We're talking triple crown rarity here - for the second time in the history of women's professional basketball a woman dunked the ball, the only other time being in 2002.
Who's idea was the WNBA anyway? Didn't I make a post about this before? I could understand a bunch of Hooter's girls in their Hooter's uniforms jiggling....errr, dribbling up and down the court being something worth watching. But no, they wanted to be all serious about this. What about the poor fan though that watches faithfully every game. Time and again they see the girl charge down the court, rush the basket, expecting...hoping...praying...will she???...nope, it's another layup. Imagine the disappointment if the one time in 6 years this happens he ran to the fridge for a beer and missed the dunk? Oh sure, there's instant replay, but it's just not the same. That's like watching a porn movie, you weren't there when it happened, it's just not the same. This is followed by the shame of lying to all your friends because you don't want them to know you were an idiot and missed the once in a lifetime live shot.
If they are going to keep the WNBA they really need to make some changes where you have something to talk about more than once every 6 years. Like maybe put mud on the court and combine some aspects of roller derby into the game.
Who's idea was the WNBA anyway? Didn't I make a post about this before? I could understand a bunch of Hooter's girls in their Hooter's uniforms jiggling....errr, dribbling up and down the court being something worth watching. But no, they wanted to be all serious about this. What about the poor fan though that watches faithfully every game. Time and again they see the girl charge down the court, rush the basket, expecting...hoping...praying...will she???...nope, it's another layup. Imagine the disappointment if the one time in 6 years this happens he ran to the fridge for a beer and missed the dunk? Oh sure, there's instant replay, but it's just not the same. That's like watching a porn movie, you weren't there when it happened, it's just not the same. This is followed by the shame of lying to all your friends because you don't want them to know you were an idiot and missed the once in a lifetime live shot.
If they are going to keep the WNBA they really need to make some changes where you have something to talk about more than once every 6 years. Like maybe put mud on the court and combine some aspects of roller derby into the game.
